


de profundis ad astra

by echoknight



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Fix-It, Found Family, Light Angst, Not Canon Compliant, Oral Sex, Reunions, Romance, Some sexy times, i mean technically it could be canon compliant because it takes place after the show so, we're talking romantic as hell here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26483416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoknight/pseuds/echoknight
Summary: Ahsoka Tano and Sabine Wren are on a rescue mission to find and recover Ezra Bridger. When they find him, he has not aged at all, and he is not alone - he is accompanied by Kanan Jarrus, whose life has somehow been restored. But Kanan and Ezra need time to adjust to a new reality, and connect with a family that has been scattered across the galaxy.A story about found family, about reunions, and about love.
Relationships: Ahsoka Tano & Sabine Wren, C1-10P | Chopper & Kanan Jarrus & Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios & Hera Syndulla & Sabine Wren, Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus, Hera Syndulla & Jacen Syndulla, Kanan Jarrus & Jacen Syndulla, Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 59
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

Ahsoka Tano sometimes felt like she was living many lives, all at once. Perhaps it was a side effect of visiting the World Between Worlds, or simply of dwelling on the past too often.  
  
(This was another reason why she wouldn’t have made a good Jedi, she reflected. Jedi were supposed to let go of past attachments, and Ahsoka did not let go easily, not without feeling the sting of heartbreak.)  
  
There was the Ahsoka Tano who rejoined the order and remained Anakin’s padawan. That Ahsoka was able to help Anakin, to realize what Sidious was planning and, with the help of Obi-Wan and Padme, prevent it. Another Padawan Tano died after Order 66, along with so many of her friends, her family.  
  
There was the Ahsoka Tano who listened to Maul, who joined him in his quest to stop Sidious. One version of her succeeded in this mission, one version of her died.  
  
There was the Ahsoka Tano who killed Darth Vader on Malachor. There was the Ahsoka Tano who was killed by Darth Vader on Malachor.  
  
For every choice she did or didn’t make, there was another version of herself, another universe splintered off from her own, another time when things could have been different...  
  
Maybe those other Ahsokas existed, maybe they didn’t. She knew there was no use dwelling upon them, although knowing this was easier than following through. What was important was the here and the now, the version of herself she actually was, not what she could have been.  
  
“Are you alright?” Sabine asked, shaking Ahsoka out of her reverie. She looked at the Mandalorian, who was sitting in the copilot’s seat next to her with a concerned expression on her face.  
  
It was so odd to see Sabine again – she was no longer a teenager, but a grown woman, a veteran and war hero.  
  
“Not really,” Ahsoka said with a small smile. No point in lying. They didn’t know how long they would be on the ship together – it had already been months – or how successful their mission would be. Her T-6 shuttle was comfortable, but small. Hiding her feelings during such a journey was more effort than it was worth.  
  
“Anything I can do?” Sabine asked. Ahsoka sighed.  
  
“Go back in time and prevent the Republic from falling?” she said. It was meant to be a joke, but her voice was too tired, betraying the deep sadness within.  
  
“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Sabine said.  
  
Ahsoka tried to laugh, but it sounded forced even to her.  
  
“I wouldn’t even if I could, you know,” Sabine continued, her voice quieter. “Go back, prevent it all from happening. Because if it didn’t happen, I would have never had my time on the _Ghost_. I would have never even known Ezra.”  
  
Ahsoka closed her eyes and imagined Ezra Bridger in a world without the Empire. He probably would have been taken from his family by the Jedi at a young age, raised in the Temple like she and Kanan had been. Kanan would not be Kanan, he would be Caleb Dume, and he would be alive.  
  
Ezra could have still been Caleb’s padawan, or even perhaps her own. He would probably be preparing for his Jedi trials right now, or maybe he would be a knight already. He was extraordinarily gifted. He would have joined the thousands of other Jedi, scattered across the galaxy, resuming their posts as peacekeepers after the end of the Galactic Civil War…  
  
“You’re right,” Ahsoka said, opening her eyes. “Things happened as they were meant to happen.”  
  
That was Jedi logic, everything happens for a reason, everything is as the Force wills it. Ahsoka still struggled with the idea that the genocide of her people and the deaths of countless millions across the galaxy at the hands of a tyrannical regime were in line with the will of the Force.  
  
“I don’t know about that,” Sabine said, eyeing her shrewdly. “But things happened as they happened.”  
  
Ahsoka laughed. There was something so _grounded_ about Sabine. The Mandalorian always knew who she was, which was truly a gift. It had taken years for Ahsoka to feel completely comfortable in herself and to know her own worth, and sometimes she still struggled with the sense of being adrift in her own life.  
  
Ahsoka was no stranger to the, well, strange. Her memories of Mortis were fuzzy, but she could still recall the shifting landscape and its towering, terrifying guardians. She remembered the illicit thrill of being consumed by the Dark Side, and the sheer relief she felt upon being brought back to the light. She remembered Anakin, her Anakin, caring for her when she seemed lost, never giving up on her.  
  
(Sometimes she missed her master so much her heart ached, a feeling that only intensified when she learned what he had become.)  
  
Then there was her time in the World Between Worlds, which she didn’t think she could explain to anyone, not even herself. She had caught glimpses of other inflection points in time as she searched for her own portal out, most of them blurring together in her memory. She vividly remembered seeing Padme give birth to twins, Luke and Leia, and later seeing those twins grow to be leaders and heroes. She saw Luke reach Anakin – saw Luke succeed where she had failed. She saw her old master redeem himself, felt him as he joined the Cosmic Force, his presence once again filled with Light.  
  
Even so, she couldn’t help mourning Padme, her lost friend, as she mourned her master, and she tried not to think of what could have been – the version of reality where Anakin and Padme had survived and raised their own children.  
  
Her head hurt. Trying to remember and understand everything she had seen in the World Between Worlds took focus and concentration, and even then her memory was slippery and ever-changing. She would probably never be able to fully recall her time there.  
  
“I’m going to make a cup of tea. Would you like one?” Ahsoka said, standing up.  
  
“I’ll come with you,” Sabine said. “Something tells me you could use a friend right now.”  
  
Ahsoka smiled warmly and wrapped her arm around Sabine, pulling her into a side hug.  
  
“It’s pretty lucky that I have you, then,” Ahsoka said.  
  
“Yeah, it is,” Sabine said nonchalantly. She grinned back as Ahsoka laughed.  
  
The console at the pilot’s seat started beeping as they left the room. Ahsoka rolled her eyes and walked back. They were in empty space, traveling between systems, there shouldn’t be anything for her ship to pick up on the radar.  
  
Ahsoka’s jaw dropped as she looked through the viewport. Where only seconds before there had been inky darkness, there was now a gigantic burst of golden light directly in front of the ship.  
  
“Is that a nebula?” Sabine asked, rushing back to the copilot’s seat. “Where the hell did that come from?”  
  
“I don’t know, but – there’s something – ” Ahsoka closed her eyes and focused on the presence before them, “ – I’m sensing something coming from within the nebula. There’s a sort of presence there. It’s very strong with the force.”  
  
The beeping on the console grew more insistent.  
  
“We must be caught in some kind of gravitational field. It’s pulling us in, and I can’t stop it,” Sabine said.  
  
“Don’t try to,” Ahsoka said, her eyes opening. She was overcome with an inexplicable sense of calm. “We’re meant to go into that nebula. I can feel it.”  
  
“Our instruments aren’t going to work in there. We won’t be able to navigate!” Sabine said urgently.  
  
“Yes, we will. The Force will guide me,” Ahsoka said. Sabine nodded sharply. She had lived with Kanan and Ezra long enough to trust a Jedi’s instinct.  
  
Ahsoka felt a rush of certainty flood through her body. It was almost relief to feel the presence of the Force guiding her again, protecting her, filling her with the kind of calm and surety she had only experienced in the World Between Worlds.  
  
“Sabine, I think there’s a planet we’re meant to find inside that nebula,” Ahsoka said as the ship was enveloped in the golden cloud. “I think Ezra is there.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Ahsoka circa "Rebels" is such an interesting character, because she lost so much of her innocence and her hope. I wanted to explore some of her emotions after leaving the World Between Worlds, as well as the roads not taken.  
>   
> If the golden nebula sounds familiar to you, that's because I'm shamelessly stealing from the penultimate episode of season 6 of "Clone Wars," when Yoda discovers a planet within a nebula that's very powerful with the Force. Expect some Force-wielding hand-waving in the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to take a lot of suspension of disbelief, but hey, we all want Kanan back, so here's how it happens!

_In the end, there was no fear. No anger. No regrets. No doubts.  
  
In the end, there was only peace.  
  
Kanan did not feel his body consumed by the fire; he only felt serenity as his spirit joined the Cosmic Force.  
  
He did not feel emotions as he did when he was an individual. He was one with something much larger now. But – if one were to give a label to the senses of just one sentient fragment of an all-encompassing spiritual entity – one could say that Kanan felt relief at being able to communicate with Ezra through the loth-wolf. Pride at the strength and courage Ezra displayed. Love for Hera, for his crew, his family. So much love.  
  
Was it selfish for what remained of Kanan’s consciousness to accompany Ezra on the Chimaera as it was tugged into hyperspace by the purrgils? Was it too human a decision? He saw his padawan making a terrible sacrifice – so young, too young to make that choice. He knew he needed to go with Ezra, to guide him in the next part of this journey.  
  
Kanan is with Ezra as the purrgils take them to the golden nebula, as the ship is pulled into it and guided by Ezra to the small planet pulsing with raw energy.  
  
He follows Ezra as he, along with Thrawn – made uncharacteristically quiet by shock – exits the ship and goes through the geyser.  
  
He sees Ezra greeted by Serenity and the other priestesses that guard this planet. This is the one place in the universe where the Living Force and the Cosmic Force are one, Serenity tells Ezra.  
  
He sees Serenity look at him, even though she shouldn’t be able to see him, he is just a fragment of the Force…  
  
“You will be made whole,” she says to him, and him alone.  
  
And then, so quickly he barely has time to register the change…  
  
And then…  
  
And then…_  
  
He is himself again.  
  


* * *

  
  
“Kanan!” Ezra shouted. Kanan could hear him angrily addressing Thrawn. “What – is this another trick? Did you do this?”  
  
Kanan blinked a couple of times. His vision was dark – still blind, then. He clenched his fists a few times, picked up his feet experimentally.  
  
It appeared that his conscious self was once against housed in a corporeal form.  
  
Put simply, he had a body again.  
  
“I didn’t do this,” Thrawn said, a thread of mild interest audible in his calm, genteel voice. “I think this is the work of one of them.”  
  
“I’m not an illusion,” Kanan said, his voice sounding odd to himself. It was strange to speak again, to feel the rub of his vocal cords. He was so aware of every part of his body, every joint, every muscle, the blood pumping through his veins, his breath filling and emptying his lungs. “I don’t think so, anyway.”  
  
“Your master accompanied you on your journey here,” Serenity said in her lilting, musical voice. “He had joined the Cosmic Force, but his journey among the living has not yet been completed. So he has been restored.”  
  
“You – brought Kanan back to life?” Ezra asked.  
  
“As I said, here the Cosmic Force and the Living Force are one. ‘Life’ and ‘death’ as you understand them are just states of being,” Serenity said. Kanan felt her turn to him. “You have faced your own darkness, Kanan Jarrus. You have sacrificed yourself for the ones you love. Now you have been renewed to what you once were.”  
  
“Thank you?” Kanan said, not really sure how to respond. He hadn’t minded being dead. Being a part of the Cosmic Force had given him a sense of peace and wholeness that he had never felt while alive.  
  
He could already feel the burden of humanity beginning to weigh on him once more, as the complex lattice of emotion that came with existence in the Living Force settled on his psyche.  
  
“Restoration to the Living Force is not a gift. It will be difficult. You will need time to adjust,” Serenity said. “But, having experienced existence as part of the Living and the Cosmic Force, you will be able to teach what you have learned to the Force-wielders who come behind you.”  
  
“Is Kanan going to stay this way?” Ezra asked, clearly working to keep his voice calm. “What about when we leave the planet?”  
  
“I think ‘when’ is a bit optimistic,” Thrawn said, somewhat peevishly. “You seem to have trapped us here without any means of escape.”  
  
“Shut up. My family will come for me. What about when we leave the planet?” Ezra repeated.  
  
“Kanan exists in the Living Force once more. He shall remain like this until he is ready to join the Cosmic Force again,” Serenity said.  
  
“So, I’ll age?” Kanan asked.  
  
“While you are on this planet, no. We do not experience time as others do elsewhere in the galaxy. But, when you are ready to leave, then yes. You will age.”  
  
“You’re really back,” Ezra breathed. Kanan suddenly felt Ezra hugging him tightly, hands gripping his back. Kanan returned his padawan’s embrace.  
  
“I thought I had lost you,” Ezra said, his voice breaking. Kanan felt Ezra’s tears through the fabric of his shirt.  
  
“You never lost me,” Kanan murmured. “You will never lose me.”  
  
They stood like that for several moments, Kanan rubbing Ezra’s back. Thrawn cleared his throat.  
  
“As lovely as this reunion is to witness, what do you propose we do now?” he asked dryly. “We are stranded in the vast reaches of space with a broken ship, on an extremely unusual planet where time does not appear to exist as it does elsewhere in the galaxy.”  
  
“You always thought of yourself as a student, Thrawn,” Kanan said as he and Ezra broke apart, unable to keep the edge of disdain out of his voice. “I would suggest trying to learn something about the way of life you were trying to destroy.”  
  
“There is much for you to learn as well, Kanan Jarrus and Ezra Bridger. This planet has much to teach you about the Light and the Dark sides of the Force,” Serenity said. “You will not grow tired here, nor hunger, nor thirst. There is only the Force, and what it has to teach you.”  
  
Kanan sensed Serenity outstretch her ghostly hand, the other priestesses arranged in a semicircle behind her.  
  
“Come,” she said. “Come and see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really drew on the penultimate episode of season 6 of The Clone Wars for this chapter. In that episode, Yoda travels to a planet in the middle of a golden nebula where he meets with the priestesses - emissaries of sorts of the Living and Cosmic Force. I thought this would be as good an explanation as any for Kanan's body and consciousness to be restored, with some good Living Force/Cosmic Force handwaving.  
>   
> We're also just saying that time doesn't pass normally on that planet because I'm the fanfic author, and I do what I want! 😂  
>   
> Also love that Ezra and Kanan reunion. They deserve happiness!


	3. Chapter 3

Chopper nearly flew through the doors to the bridge, beeping and gesturing wildly. He usually knew not to interrupt when Hera was in the middle of a briefing, so this had to be serious.  
  
“Sorry,” she said, turning away from the Barma Battle Group officers and kneeling so that she was eye level with her droid. “What is it, Chop?”  
_I have a message from Sabine_ , Chopper said. Hera had some trouble understanding his binary, his message almost lost amid his frantic beeps. _She says you need to call her immediately. And you need to be alone._  
  
Hera’s heart started racing. Did this mean that they had found Ezra? Was he alive? Or had they found him too late? She stood again and turned to the crew, struggling to keep her emotions in check.  
  
“Captain Giginivek, take over the briefing. I have some business to attend to,” Hera said, her voice far calmer than she felt. The Ociock nodded, unable to fully shield the curiosity in his eyes. Hera left the bridge, trying to keep her steps measured. It took all of her willpower not to break into a run on her way to her quarters.  
  
Once inside her cabin, Hera checked that the doors were locked and her commlink was off. Anyone who needed her would have to wait – right now, no one needed her as much as Sabine. She positioned herself to stand in front of Chopper.  
  
“Okay, Chop, connect me to Sabine,” she said. She took a few deep breaths as Chopper connected them, the life-size blue hologram of Sabine flickering into being from the droid’s holoprojector.  
  
“Sabine? Is everything okay?” Hera said before Sabine even got the chance to speak. There was something odd and masklike about the Mandalorian’s expression, like she was holding back a flood of emotion.  
  
“Hi, Hera. Yeah, we’re okay,” Sabine’s voice was calm, but there was a barely perceptible undercurrent of anxiety in her tone. Hera only recognized it because she knew Sabine so well, and lived with her for so long.  
  
“Did you find Ezra?” Hera asked. _Is he alive?_ Hera didn’t ask.  
  
Sabine took a deep breath.  
  
“Yes. We found him. He’s alive,” Sabine said. Hera actually felt her feet lift off the ground as she let out a shout for joy. She laughed, buoyed by the sudden flood of relief. Ezra was alright. He was going to come home. He would get to meet Jacen…  
  
Hera paused, noticing that Sabine hadn’t even cracked a smile.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Hera asked slowly. “Is Ezra injured?”  
  
“No. Um, Thrawn was with him. It seems like he and Ezra actually, sort of, connected while they were trapped on this planet together,” Sabine said. “Thrawn is locked in his quarters, and we’ll bring him to you and the New Republic for judgment.”  
  
Hera nodded. Okay, that wasn’t ideal, but it made sense. She hated Thrawn, hated him for his cruelty, for stealing her kalikori and contributing to her loss of both Kanan and Ezra. But she could see how being stuck on a planet – Sabine hadn’t said where, but that was a topic for later – could even bring enemies together.  
  
“Okay. That’s okay. We can handle that,” Hera said. But Sabine’s expression didn’t change – she still looked withdrawn, almost pained.  
  
“Ezra said that it only felt like a few days for him on the planet where we found him. It’s apparently very connected to the Force,” Sabine said. She paused again. Was that what was making Sabine so nervous? Seeing Ezra as the young man he had been when he left them?  
  
“Alright. We’ll figure it out. Is that it?” Hera prodded, after Sabine had been silent for a few seconds.  
  
“Hera, there’s something else,” Sabine said, in the tone of someone about to rip a bandage off of a still-unhealed wound. “Ezra and Thrawn weren’t alone.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Hera asked, trepidation growing in her voice. Sabine – sturdy, unshakable Sabine – was rattled. Hera had never seen her like this, not even when she was first learning to wield the darksaber. Something had to be wrong.  
  
The Mandalorian closed her eyes and took another deep breath.  
  
“Kanan was with them,” Sabine said, her eyes still closed.  
  
It took a few seconds for the words to register with Hera. Kanan was _with_ them?  
  
“What?” Hera said blankly.  
  
“Kanan was on this planet with them. Apparently he – manifested when they landed there,” Sabine continued. “There were these, um, sort of creatures, Ezra said, and they were able to use the Force to – to bring him back.”  
  
Hera’s senses dulled. The hologram of Sabine seemed suddenly fuzzy, and her voice sounded very far away, like it was coming from the next room. Hera heard her blood pounding in her ears, felt her breathing becoming shallower and faster.  
  
“That’s – not possible. Kanan – Kanan died. I watched him die,” Hera said. The part of her brain that was still functioning noticed vaguely that she was beginning to have a panic attack. She had them frequently in the months after Kanan’s death, after she learned she was pregnant and realized she would have to raise their child alone. Hera bent forward, putting her hands on her knees, her eyes unfocused. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe. Kanan was dead. She couldn’t breathe.  
  
“Hera!” Sabine’s voice shouted. Hera looked up vaguely, realizing that Sabine must have called her name several times. “I don’t know how, but Kanan is alive. He’s, um, he’s with me now.”  
Hera shook her head.  
  
“Sabine, that’s not possible. He’s dead, I watched him die, he’s gone – ” Hera’s babbling cut off as Sabine moved to the side slightly, and a figure that looked exactly like Kanan Jarrus stepped into view of the holoprojector.  
  
Hera gasped, struggling to catch her breath again. He looked just like he did on the last night she saw him – hair cropped close to his head, no beard, no mask, his cloudy eyes looking straight ahead.  
  
“Hey,” the hologram that looked like Kanan said. It had his voice, how did the hologram have his voice? She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t breathe –  
  
“This can’t be real,” Hera gasped. “This has to be – Imperial trap – that can’t be you – can’t be him – my Kanan is gone.” Hera felt the tears spilling out of her eyes but didn’t even bother to wipe them. Enough tears would blur her sight again, and she wouldn’t have to look at this hologram pretending to be her lost love.  
  
“It’s me, Hera,” the hologram that looked like Kanan said, his voice breaking. She could see tears beginning to fall from the hologram’s eyes.  
  
“Hera, we scanned him completely three times. He’s human and his genetics are an exact match for the Kanan we knew. It’s him,” Sabine said. Hera shook her head. This wasn’t possible. This had to be a trick, some kind of Imperial mind game.  
  
“Tell me something only Kanan would know,” Hera said, forcing her voice to steady as she addressed the hologram that looked like Kanan for the first time. He paused for a moment.  
  
“The first time you told me you loved me was the night Ezra joined the crew,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I told you that I was afraid that I couldn’t be the teacher he needed. You told me that you believed I was exactly the teacher he needed. And you kissed me, and you said that you loved me. I thought I had known how you felt, but it still surprised me, to actually hear you say the words out loud. It was one of the best moments of my life.”  
  
Hera stared at the hologram, ignoring Sabine standing awkwardly to the side. She had never told anyone else about that night. She didn't even think Kanan would have remembered...  
  
“Kanan?” Hera whispered, hardly daring to hope.  
  
“It’s me, Hera. I’m really here,” Kanan said gently. Hera burst into tears again, completely overwhelmed. This couldn’t be happening. But it was.  
  
“Hera, we’re close to the outer rim. If you’re able to take the _Ghost_ , we could rendezvous near Tattooine,” Sabine cut in. Hera nodded, drying her eyes. The second she closed this holo, she would pack for a journey and pick up Jacen from Yrica, who was babysitting him while Hera was at her briefing. Then she and Jacen would take the _Ghost_ and fly as quickly as possible to Tattooine.  
  
Jacen…  
  
“Sabine, does he – does he know?” Hera asked hesitantly. Sabine, instantly understanding the question, shook her head.  
  
“Know what?” Kanan asked.  
  
“I thought you should be the one to tell him,” Sabine said quietly.  
  
“Tell me what?” Kanan asked, his tone almost annoyed. Hera hiccupped a laugh. That was her Kanan, impatient as ever.  
  
“Kanan, you have a son,” Hera said softly. Kanan’s jaw dropped.  
  
“What?” he said weakly.  
  
“You have a son. I was pregnant when you – during the Liberation of Lothal. His name is Jacen. He’s four years old, and he’s perfect,” Hera continued, beginning to cry again softly. “He looks like you.”  
  
Tears began spilling out of Kanan’s eyes as well.  
  
“When I pushed you back from the fire, I thought I sensed something, new life, but I wasn’t sure,” Kanan whispered, his voice shaking. “Jacen?”  
  
Hera nodded, swallowing the emotion that threatened to overwhelm her again.  
  
“I can’t wait for him to meet you. Kanan, I – I missed you so much,” Hera said. She stretched out her hand. Slowly, Kanan put out his hand as well, his holographic fingers entwining with hers.  
  
“I have to get ready. I’ll prepare my crew for my absence,” Hera said, lowering her hand and turning to Sabine. “Sabine, send me hourly updates of your location and of Kanan’s medical status.”  
  
Sabine smiled, not even bothering to question Hera on the somewhat ridiculous request. Her eyes were full of tears as well.  
  
“Copy that. Look forward to seeing you, Spectre Two,” Sabine said, before walking out of the hologram.  
  
Hera looked at Kanan again.  
  
“I’ll see you soon,” she said. Kanan smiled at the fierceness in her voice.  
  
“You will,” he promised.  
  
“I love you,” she whispered. Every day since he had – disappeared, Hera had regretted not telling him she loved him more often, and certainly never in public. Now that she had a second chance, she wouldn’t make that mistake again. “I love you so much.”  
  
Kanan’s grin widened.  
  
“I love you too,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phewwww this one was emotional to write! I think it would be very difficult for Hera to believe that Kanan was back. I wanted to make their first reunion as authentic as possible.  
>   
> Oh also all references to Barma Battle Group are cribbed from Wookieepedia, so sorry if there are any inaccuracies!  
>   
> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think in the comments, and kudos give me life ❤️❤️❤️


	4. Chapter 4

Jacen Syndulla was a happy child. People would often say that to his mommy – “Jacen is such a _happy_ child” – and she would look at him proudly and put her hand on his head and say “he’s my good boy.” And Jacen would feel like he was glowing from the inside out.  
  
As far as he was concerned, Jacen had a perfect life. He lived on ships in space, which was good because he loved flying, just like his mommy. He was always surrounded by people who would play with him and give him snacks and take care of him when mommy was busy. Sometimes his Aunt Beanie and Uncle Zeb would visit, and they always gave him lots of presents and snuggles. Uncle Zeb would put him on his shoulders and Jacen would feel so big and tall.  
  
He also had Choppy to play with him. Choppy lived with him and Mommy, and he was the best droid in the galaxy. Some people seemed to be scared by Choppy, which Jacen didn’t understand, because Choppy was so nice to him and Mommy.  
  
And, of course, he had his mommy. Jacen’s mommy was his favorite person in the whole galaxy. She was green – like the color of Jacen’s ears and hair – and she had the best and biggest smile. She made up the best games and told the best stories and gave the best hugs. Everyone loved Mommy. She was called a general, and everyone on the whole ship always listened to what she had to say.  
  
Jacen was very proud to be her son, because he knew she was important to so many people. But she was most important to him.  
  
“I love you all the way to the outer rim,” Jacen would say every night when Mommy was tucking him into bed.  
  
“I love you all the way to the outer rim _and back_ ,” Mommy would reply, and then give him a big kiss on the forehead.  
  
Jacen also had a daddy, but his daddy was gone. Mommy said he had died to protect her and Aunt Beanie and Uncle Zeb and Uncle Ezra, who he had never met. (Uncle Ezra was also gone, but he was going to come back some day, Mommy said. Aunt Beanie and Aunt Soka had gone away to bring him back.)  
  
Jacen loved hearing stories about his daddy. He was very brave, everyone said so. He was a Jedi, which meant that he was really strong and smart.  
  
“Your daddy would have loved you very much,” Mommy said. She said this a lot.  
  
Sometimes Mommy would get sad when she talked about Daddy. When this happened, Jacen would climb on her lap and snuggle her so she could feel better. And she would kiss his hair and say she loved him very much and he was her good boy, and Jacen would feel all warm inside.  
  
His mommy used to live on the Ghost with his daddy and Aunt Beanie and Uncle Zeb and Uncle Ezra and Choppy. He loved hearing stories about them. His favorite was the one about Uncle Zeb and Uncle Ezra getting the meiloorun fruit for Mommy, because they were very silly and he loved stories that made him laugh.  
  
But he also loved hearing about Daddy training Uncle Ezra to be a Jedi. He wished his daddy was still alive so that he could teach Jacen how to be a Jedi too. Maybe when Aunt Beanie and Aunt Soka found Uncle Ezra, he could teach Jacen.  
  
One night as she was tucking him into bed, Mommy looked at Jacen very seriously and said she needed to talk to him about something important.  
  
“Your Aunt Sabine and Aunt Ahsoka found your Uncle Ezra,” Mommy said. Her green eyes were big and round, but she wasn’t smiling.  
  
“Is he okay?” Jacen asked automatically. He had never met Uncle Ezra but felt like he knew him from all the stories Mommy told.  
  
“Yes, he’s okay. They’re coming back now and we’re going to take the _Ghost_ and meet them in a few days. We’ll leave tomorrow morning,” his mommy said. Jacen smiled. He liked the _Lodestar_ because it was nice and big and had lots of people to play with, but the _Ghost_ was his real home.  
  
“Is Choppy coming too?” Jacen asked. Choppy, who was standing next to his bed, beeped that of course he was coming too, don’t be silly. Jacen giggled.  
  
“Yes,” Mommy said. “But there’s something else that you need to know. I don’t really know how to tell you.”  
  
Mommy looked nervous. Mommy almost never looked nervous, so this made Jacen very worried.  
  
“What’s wrong?” he asked. Mommy sighed.  
  
“Nothing is wrong. It’s good news, I promise,” she assured him, smoothing back his hair with her hand. “Your Aunt Sabine and Aunt Ahsoka also found your daddy. He’s coming back with Uncle Ezra too.”  
  
Jacen frowned.  
  
“But Daddy is gone. You said he could never come back,” Jacen said slowly.  
  
“I thought he couldn’t. But somehow, he is. I don’t really understand either, baby boy,” Mommy said. “Aunt Ahsoka says it’s because of the Force.”  
  
Jacen nodded slowly. He knew a little bit about the Force. It’s what Jedi used to move things around with their mind. It helped make Jedi stronger.  
  
“Why didn’t he come back sooner?” Jacen asked.  
  
“He was lost with your Uncle Ezra. They were stuck on a planet and their ship didn’t work so they couldn’t come home,” Mommy explained.  
  
“So, he wasn’t dead? He was just lost?” Jacen asked, even more confused. Dead people didn’t come back, he knew that for sure.  
  
“No, honey, your daddy was dead. But the Force brought him back to life,” Mommy said. She looked very tired.  
  
“How?”  
  
“I don’t know, sweetheart.”  
  
“Can the Force bring back anyone who’s dead?”  
  
“No,” Mommy said. “Your daddy was very lucky. It was a miracle.”  
  
“What’s a miracle?” Jacen asked.  
  
“It’s when something happens that’s really good, but you can’t explain it,” his mommy said.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I don’t know, baby boy,” Mommy said, and she shook her head. “I wish I could explain it to you. But I can’t.”  
  
Jacen sat quietly for a moment. He didn’t know how to feel. It was very good that he was going to meet Uncle Ezra, but it would be strange to meet his daddy. He had lived his whole life thinking his daddy could never come back, and now he was coming back.  
  
Jacen noticed his mommy was crying.  
  
“What’s wrong, Mommy?” he asked.  
  
“Nothing, sweetheart. I just – it’s been you and me for so long, and I’m so happy that I’m going to see your daddy again,” she said.  
  
“Do you love Daddy more than me?” Jacen asked, suddenly nervous. Mommy laughed, which made him more nervous.  
  
“No, Jacen. I love him differently from you. And you will always be the most important person in the entire galaxy to me,” Mommy said, smiling. “Your daddy will be so happy to meet you. He loves you very much already and he’s going to love you even more once he meets you in person.”  
  
“Okay,” Jacen said, relaxing a little. "Have you talked to Daddy?"  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Will he be able to see me?” Jacen knew his daddy had lost his sight during a fight while he was protecting Uncle Ezra, but maybe things were different now.  
  
“He’s still blind, so he won’t be able to see you with his eyes. But he can see you with his heart and he can see you with the Force,” Mommy said. There was the Force again. Maybe his daddy would be able to explain it to him.  
  
“Mommy?” Jacen asked.  
  
“Yes, sweetheart?”  
  
“Is this a good thing?”  
  
Mommy wrapped Jacen in a big, big hug, making him feel all warm and safe.  
  
“Yes, Jacen. It’s a very, very good thing,” she whispered. Jacen nodded and gave Mommy a big smile when she let him go. If his mommy was happy then he was happy.  
  
“Are you ready to fall asleep?” she asked. Jacen nodded.  
  
“I love you all the way to the outer rim, Mommy,” he said.  
  
“I love you all the way to the outer rim _and back_ ,” Mommy said, and she kissed him on the forehead.  
  
Mommy turned off the lights, and Choppy turned on some lights on his dome because Jacen didn’t like going to sleep when it was totally dark. Mommy rubbed Choppy’s dome and walked out of the room, the doors whooshing closed behind her.  
  
“Good night, Choppy,” Jacen said. The droid beeped his good night back.  
  
Jacen closed his eyes, and thought about what it would be like to be held by his daddy for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very fun for me to write. I was raised by a single mom and we were/are very close, so I channeled a lot of our relationship into Jacen's relationship with Hera.  
>   
> I also wanted to get Jacen's perspective because it would be very odd, as a four year old or so, to suddenly learn that your dead father has come back to life and is coming to meet you. That's the thing about fix-it stories - the fix can be complicated!  
>   
> Also, I really love the idea of Chopper as the best nanny ever. I based the nicknames on how a toddler would try to pronounce names like "Sabine" and "Ahsoka." Ezra and Zeb are lucky they have easy names!  
>   
> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos give me life <33333


	5. Chapter 5

Kanan sat in the kitchen of Ahsoka’s shuttle, a cooling mug of caf resting untouched on the metal table before him. “Kitchen” was a generous term for the closet-like room, whose only redeeming feature was its barely functional caf machine.  
  
Sabine walked in – he could always sense Sabine, she had such a clear presence in the Force, not to mention very distinctive footsteps. She began busying herself at the caf machine. Kanan also sensed that Sabine was not in the kitchen for a cup of caf, but to check in on him.  
  
“You’re nervous,” Sabine said. It wasn’t a question. Judging by the acoustics of the room and the vibrations Kanan could feel through the table and his chair, Sabine was leaning against the far wall opposite him as the caf machine burbled.  
  
“What gave it away?” Kanan asked dryly.  
  
“That constant leg jiggling was a pretty good indicator,” Sabine replied. Kanan stilled with some effort. He hadn’t even realized he had been jiggling his leg, a habit that he normally despised. He was still adjusting to have a _body_ again, this weird form that reacted to and telegraphed his every emotion, even when he wasn’t conscious of its movements.  
  
“Sorry,” he said.  
  
“Happens to the best of us,” Sabine said. She picked up her mug of caf and took a slow sip. “Want to talk about it?”  
  
Kanan laughed, sounding a little more panicked than he would have liked.  
  
“Let’s see. A few weeks ago, I died, sacrificing myself to save my family. I joined the Cosmic Force for a while, which is just – I can’t even describe it. Then I was brought back to life by these – _priestesses_ on this weird planet that was like a battery for the Force and where time doesn’t pass normally. Oh, and I’m stuck there with my padawan and the guy who was indirectly responsible for my death. Then you and Ahsoka find us, and guess what? Turns out I actually died five years ago, the rebellion succeeded, the Empire is gone and the emperor is dead, the Jedi have returned, sort of, and oh yeah, _the love of my life has been raising our child alone_ , and now I’m going to see her again for the first time in what has been five years for her but only a few weeks for me, and meet my son, who doesn’t know me at all,” Kanan took a deep breath, slightly winded. “Did I miss anything?”  
  
“Hmm. Everyone you know has aged five years, but you’re still the same age?” Sabine suggested.  
  
“I feel like I covered that with the whole ‘I died five years ago’ part. It was implied, anyway,” Kanan said.  
  
Sabine hummed in agreement.  
  
“Yeah, that’s a lot,” she said. “Not sure I can offer any advice.”  
  
Kanan sighed. They sat – well, stood, in Sabine’s case – in silence while she sipped her caf. The drink sitting in front of Kanan was probably thoroughly cold by now. Kanan focused on not jiggling his leg.  
  
“What if – what if I’m not the man Hera remembers? What if I disappoint her? What if I'm not what she wants anymore?” Kanan asked quietly after a few moments. “What if I can’t connect with my son? What if I’m a bad father?”  
  
Sabine stepped forward and sat down in the chair opposite him across the table. There were only two chairs in the kitchen, and the one Sabine now occupied was generally avoided because one of its legs was shorter than the other three and it creaked and rocked incessantly. Sabine leaned forward and put her elbows on the table, stabilizing the chair and, Kanan sensed, looking at him very intently.  
  
“You’re not going to disappoint Hera. She doesn’t want some perfect, nonexistent version of you. She has always loved you just as you are, with all your flaws,” Sabine said, her voice uncharacteristically serious. She sounded so _adult_. She was an adult now, Kanan remembered belatedly.  
  
“As for connecting with your son, I’m not worried about that at all. Jacen’s going to love you the moment he sees you, and you’re going to love him,” Sabine continued. “Besides, we already know that you’re a good father.”  
  
“How do we know that?” Kanan asked.  
  
“Because you were to me and Ezra,” Sabine said simply. Kanan suddenly felt tears pricking the corner of his eyes.  
  
“Oh,” he said.  
  
“You never were too quick on the uptake, though,” Sabine said, and he could hear her smile.  
  
“That’s why I had you,” Kanan replied, returning her grin. “To point out what I couldn’t see.”  
  
“You’re going to be just fine, Kanan. I promise,” Sabine said. The rickety chair creaked as she stood. “Come out of the kitchen. It’s depressing in here, and we both know you’re not going to drink that caf.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right,” Kanan said, standing as well. “Thanks, Sabine.”  
  
Kanan sensed Sabine’s smile widen.  
  
“Always,” she said.  
  


* * *

  
  
Hera was nervous.  
  
She didn’t get nervous often, so she was caught off guard when it did happen. She always felt a vague sense of betrayal when her mind, usually so calm and collected in a crisis, would suddenly spiral into a nightmarish morass of what-ifs and doubts.  
  
For Kanan, it had only been a few weeks since they last saw each other. But for her, it had been five years. Five _long_ years. She was older than he was now, technically.  
  
“I mean, I’ve changed, Sabine,” Hera said, sitting cross-legged on her bunk, the pocket holoprojector beaming an image of the Mandalorian in front of her from the floor. Usually she would use Chopper’s projector, but there were some insecurities she’d rather keep private, even from him.  
  
“I’ve had a baby, for one thing. My body’s different now. I’m older. And I’ve changed in other ways, too. The war changed me. Command changed me. What if I’m not what Kanan wants anymore?” she said, the words tumbling out of her mouth in an embarrassed jumble. She kept her voice low, even though she was completely alone in the room.  
  
Sabine quirked an eyebrow.  
  
“I can’t believe I’m having the same conversation twice in two days,” she muttered to herself.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing. Hera, these fears are just that: fears. They’re not real,” Sabine said, her expression firm.  
  
“I know, but – ”  
  
“No buts. I will not allow any buts here. I mean, first of all, you’re completely fine on the attractiveness front. Half the fleet is in love with you and you just haven’t noticed – ”  
  
“What?” Hera said, but Sabine continued as if she hadn’t spoken.  
  
“ – second of all, we both know that Kanan has been nothing but madly in love with you for, like, forever. Definitely even before I knew you, maybe from when he first saw you.”  
  
“But it’s been such a long time – ”  
  
“For you. Not for him. For him it's only been a few weeks," Sabine cut in. She paused, twisting her mouth, clearly weighing whether to share something with Hera or not. "And, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but he’s just as nervous to see you as you are to see him. He thinks you won’t want him anymore either,” Sabine continued quietly.  
  
“What? That’s ridiculous!” Hera said. Sabine gave her a look. Hera sighed. “Okay, fine, I get your point.”  
  
“I understand why you’re scared, Hera,” Sabine said, more gently. “You’ve been alone for a long time. It’s going to be overwhelming to see Kanan again, and to introduce him to Jacen. But I know – I _know_ – that everything’s going to be fine. You’ll see each other, and it will be like no time has passed at all for either of you.”  
  
Hera rubbed her forehead, her fingers cool against her skin. She’d had a constant headache for about five years now, and her current nervous state was not helping the matter.  
  
“You’re right,” Hera said. “I’m on track to get to Tattooine tomorrow – do you have an ETA?”  
  
“We’ll probably get there day after tomorrow,” Sabine replied.  
  
“Okay. I’ll send you the coordinates for where I land,” Hera said. “Everything’s going to be okay, right?”  
  
“Right,” Sabine said firmly.  
  
“Okay. I’ll let you go then – I need to get some sleep,” Hera said. “Thank you, Sabine.”  
  
Sabine grinned.  
  
“Always,” she said, ending the transmission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dorks! Kanan and Hera are both such dorks!!  
>   
> I wanted to explore some of the anxieties they would naturally both feel before meeting each other. And I like the idea of Sabine, now an adult, being able to be there for Kanan and Hera like they were always able to be there for her.  
>   
> I also wanted this to be a more light-hearted chapter, since basically every other chapter has been stuffed with feels.  
>   
> Your comments and kudos keep me going. Seriously, I'm a writer irl, but writing fic is way more fun than what I have to write for work - so this is sustaining me right now lol.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *meme voice* Was anyone going to tell me that Tatooine was only spelled with one "t" in the middle, or was I supposed to actually do my research? Tatooine is spelled correctly in this chapter, and I will correct the spelling in previous chapters when I get around to it!  
>   
> We're here, folks...the reunion chapter...to quote Samuel L. Jackson in "Jurassic Park," hold on to your butts!

Hera didn’t like Tatooine. She had been there a few times, in her days as a semi-rebel smuggler, long before she became a general in the Alliance. Then there was the business with finding Obi-Wan Kenobi, the old Jedi hunted by Maul. She remembered Kanan’s anger, his hurt – why had one of the greatest Jedi of his generation abandoned his people to live as an exile on this ball of sand?  
  
Luke Skywalker, the kid who blew up the Death Star – twice – was from Tatooine. Hera learned, long after it mattered, that Kenobi had been on the planet to protect him. She hadn’t spoken to Skywalker often, but she liked him almost as much as she liked his twin sister, Leia. He reminded Hera of Ezra – they were even the same age, or would have been the same age if Ezra hadn’t been frozen in time for five years, anyway.  
  
Despite being the home planet of one of the great heroes of the Rebellion, Hera had decided long ago that Tatooine was one of the least pleasant planets in the galaxy. She liked a landscape with a little variety, like Lothal or her home planet of Ryloth. Tatooine was just sand, as far as the eye could see, and Hera hated sand. It was also oppressively hot. Anyone who said humidity was worse than a dry heat had never been to Tatooine.  
  
She had landed the _Ghost_ just outside of Bestine, which could generously be described as a town, but more accurately as a meager collection of huts and a cantina. She had wanted to be somewhere relatively private, and the outskirts of Bestine was about as private as you could get without just going to the middle of the desert.  
  
She had been waiting on this awful sandy planet for a day and a half, and Hera really did not like waiting.  
  
“Your turn, Mommy,” Jacen said, snapping Hera out of her reverie. She glanced down at the dejarik board, seeing that Jacen’s Ghhk had attack her Houjix. She had taught Jacen the game because it was about strategy and delegation, deploying your pieces like a general would deploy troops. He had taken to the game well, for a four year old.  
  
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m having trouble concentrating,” Hera sighed. “How about we pause the game for now and pick it back up later?”  
  
Jacen nodded seriously, concern filling his wide blue eyes. He was almost five years old now, and Hera was repeatedly struck by how quickly he was growing up. His baby fat was fast disappearing, and he was getting taller at an almost alarming rate. What would Kanan think when he saw his son? Would he immediately sense what a special, kind, intelligent boy Jacen was? Or would he struggle to connect with him?  
  
“I’m just a little nervous,” Hera told Jacen, answering his unasked question. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your daddy.”  
  
Jacen frowned.  
  
“But seeing Daddy is a good thing, right?” he asked.  
  
“Yes, it is,” Hera paused, struggling to formulate her next sentence. She never talked down to Jacen, and tried to speak with him as an equal. But sometimes it was difficult to convey complex emotions in a way he could understand without leaving an emotional burden on his shoulders.  
  
“When people don’t see each other for a long time, they can forget things about the other person. So sometimes they get nervous before meeting again, because they don’t know if they’ll be able to remember each other in the same way as before,” Hera said slowly. Jacen nodded thoughtfully.  
  
“I understand,” he said seriously.  
  
Hera scooched over on the bench so that she was no longer facing Jacen, but sitting next to him. She lifted him off his booster seat – stars, he was getting heavy – and onto her lap.  
“I know you do. You’re my smart boy,” she said, kissing the top of his head. “But I’m also happy to see your daddy. I never stopped loving him, even when he was gone. So I’m looking forward to it, too.”  
  
“This is a really big thing,” Jacen said.  
  
“Yeah, baby boy, it is. But we’ll do it together,” Hera said.  
  
Hera’s comlink beeped a moment later. Her heart raced as she answered.  
  
“We’re descending into the atmosphere now. We should be at your location in a few minutes,” Sabine said through the comm.  
  
“Sounds good,” Hera said, her throat constricting. This was real. This was happening.  
  
Jacen clambered off her lap. Hera stood, her mind racing, her heartbeat audible in her head. Chopper was in his charging station; they’d have to pick him up before leaving the ship.  
  
“You go get Chopper, okay? I’ll be right behind you,” Hera said to Jacen, who nodded and exited the common area. Hera walked to the wall and placed her forehead against the cool metal. She breathed deeply, attempting to calm her speeding heart. After about 15 seconds she was feeling slightly less like she was about to vibrate out of her skin, so she left the room to find Jacen and Chopper.  
  
She had Chopper hold Jacen’s hand as they left the ship. The droid rarely consented to hold hands with anyone, but Jacen was the exception. Sometimes she believed Chop loved her son almost as much as she did.  
  
Hera looked up at the sky, shielding her eyes with her hand against the bright twin suns. She could see the T-6 shuttle becoming larger and larger as it made its descent.  
  
  
By the time it landed, about 15 meters away from the Ghost, Hera was having trouble breathing again. Despite seeing him through the holoprojector, despite getting regular medical updates from Sabine, a part of Hera still couldn’t believe that Kanan was alive. Now that Ahsoka’s ship was actually here, the dream of reuniting with her lost love was fast turning into a reality.  
  
Hera could already feel the tears sliding down her cheeks as the ship settled, but she didn’t even try to wipe them away. She began walking towards the ship, Jacen and Chopper following closely behind her. It seemed like ages before the shuttle’s ramp descended, and figures began exiting the ship.  
  
There was Sabine, her hair longer than when she had left. Even from the distance, Hera could see her smiling. Then Ahsoka, wearing a white cloak. Then –  
  
Then.  
  
_Then._  
  
A man walked down the ramp. His hair was short and a bit uneven, as if a blind man had cut it, which was in fact the case. He turned towards Hera and looked at her as if he could see her through his sightless eyes, and smiled brilliantly, like he was the happiest man in the galaxy.  
  
They looked at each other for a second. They looked at each other for a lifetime. Hera’s heart stopped.  
  
Then she broke out into a run.  
  
She didn’t have to go far, just ten meters or so, but she was sprinting, running desperately, as if her life depended on it. She forced herself to slow down as she neared Kanan, his clouded eyes shining with tears.  
  
Hera threw her arms around Kanan without hesitation, tears running down her cheeks. She kissed him, hard, crushing her lips against his, confirming that he was here, he was really here. His arms tightened around her, and she could taste the salt of their tears mingling in the kiss. Hera broke away and hugged him tightly. Kanan lifted her up and spun her around, and they both were laughing, and crying, and clinging to each other desperately, neither one willing to allow any space between their bodies.  
  
Hera kissed him again, more gently, taking his face in her hands. Stars, she had missed this. She had missed him so much it physically pained her, and now the open wound that had throbbed for five years was finally beginning to heal.  
  
“I love you,” Kanan said as they broke apart, repeating the words over and over like a mantra. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”  
  
“I love you,” Hera said, still crying. “I missed you, Kanan, I missed you so much.”  
  
Now Kanan took Hera’s face in his hands, wiping her tears with his thumbs. He looked into her green eyes with his own clouded ones.  
  
“I will _never_ leave you again,” he said quietly, his voice fierce. “Never. I promise.”  
  
Hera nodded and gave a watery smile.  
  
“I love you,” she whispered.  
  
“I love you too,” he said, before pressing another gentle kiss to her lips.  
  
“Mommy?” Jacen’s voice said behind her. She turned around and looked at her son, still holding onto Chopper. Sabine was standing behind Jacen, her hand on his shoulder, her eyes also filled with tears.  
  
Hera took Kanan’s hand and pulled him down to kneel on the sand together, so they were at Jacen’s eyeline. Kanan took a sharp intake of breath as he sensed Jacen.  
  
“Jacen, honey, this is your daddy,” Hera said softly, tears still rolling down your cheeks. Jacen let go of Chopper and walked towards Kanan slowly, his face full of curiosity.  
  
“Hi, Daddy,” Jacen said. Hera laughed at the simplicity of it.  
  
“Hi,” Kanan said, his voice thick with tears. Jacen seemed to consider something for a second, and then threw his arms around Kanan’s neck. Kanan gave a laugh that was also a sob as he returned Jacen’s embrace, his arms holding the little boy tightly.  
  
“I’m glad you’re here, Daddy,” Jacen said quietly, just loud enough for Hera to hear.  
  
“Me too,” Kanan managed to say.  
  
“I can’t believe you started the reunion without me!” a voice behind Hera said.  
  
_Ezra._  
  
Hera stood and turned around, moving so quickly that she almost lost her balance. There was Ezra, her Ezra, just like he was on the day he left them, a boy on the cusp of manhood. Hera sobbed again, and pulled him into her arms. She hugged him tightly, putting her hand on the back of his head.  
  
“I missed you so much,” she whispered.  
  
“I missed you too,” he said, squeezing her slightly before pulling away. “I’m sorry that I left.”  
  
Hera shook her head. “You saved all of our lives, Ezra. Lothal owes its freedom to you,” she said.  
  
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I was planning,” Ezra said. Hera placed a hand on his cheek.  
  
“I understand, and I forgive you. I am so, so proud of you, Ezra,” Hera gave a watery laugh. “I’ve been waiting to say that for five years.”  
  
Ezra grinned, a few tears escaping from his eyes as well, and he pulled her into another hug.  
  
Pulling away from Ezra after a few seconds, Hera turned back to Kanan and Jacen. Kanan was standing now and holding Jacen’s hand, smiling broadly as he watched Ezra and Hera reunite.  
  
“Jacen, this is your Uncle Ezra,” Hera said. Jacen grinned, then unexpectedly ran and giving Ezra a hug, throwing his arms around the oldler boy’s middle. Ezra, surprised by the sudden show of affection, laughed and patted Jacen on the head.  
  
“I’ve heard all the stories about you, Uncle Ezra,” Jacen said as he broke apart, looking up at Ezra seriously. “My favorite is the one where you and Uncle Zeb got the meiloorun fruit for Mommy.”  
  
Ezra looked at Hera, delighted.  
  
“You told him stories about me?” he asked.  
  
“Oh, he knows all about you,” Hera said with a grin.  
  
As Jacen began plying Ezra for his version of the great meiloorun escapade, Hera turned to give Sabine and Ahsoka warm hugs.  
  
“Thank you so much for looking for them. Thank you so much for finding them,” Hera said, dangerously close to crying uncontrollably again.  
  
“I couldn’t have done it without Ahsoka,” Sabine said. “She’s the one who sensed the the weird Force planet.”  
  
Ahsoka smiled and put her arm around Sabine’s shoulders for a brief side hug.  
  
“I may have sensed the Wellspring, but Sabine is the one who kept us going. She’s the one who had hope when it seemed hopeless,” Ahsoka said.  
  
“Well, I’m so grateful to both of you,” Hera said. The tears were spilling down her cheeks again, quickly ending her valiant effort to not cry. “You brought my family home.”  
  
Hera felt Kanan’s arm wrap around her waist. She leaned into his side. It still seemed impossible that he could be here, holding her, kissing the top of her head. But here he was.  
  
“I think this calls for a celebration,” Kanan said.  
  
“Party on the _Ghost_?” Sabine asked.  
  
“I’ll go back to the shuttle to keep an eye on Thrawn. He’s locked up, but someone should probably be there to watch him,” Ahsoka said.  
  
“Com me when you get bored. I’ll switch with you and you can come relax on the Ghost for a while,” Sabine said.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. You all need some family time,” Ahsoka replied.  
  
“Ahsoka, you’re family too,” Hera said. Ahsoka smiled and shook her head.  
  
“Thank you. But someone needs to be on guard tonight, and I’m happy to do it. Besides, we’ll all have plenty of time to catch up later,” Ahsoka said.  
  
“If you’re sure – ” Sabine started, but Ahsoka interrupted.  
  
“I’m sure,” Ahsoka said, smiling warmly at her.  
  
“Thank you, Ahsoka,” Kanan said quietly. Ahsoka placed her hand on his shoulder as she walked past him and back into the shuttle.  
  
“We have to get Zeb here. It can’t be a real reunion without him,” Ezra said as the crew began to walk back towards the Ghost.  
  
“I let him know where we are – if we don’t mind hanging out on Tatooine for a while, he said he and Kallus could get here in a day or two,” Hera said. One of her hands was clasped in Kanan’s, the other was holding Jacen’s small hand. It was impossible. It was real. It was perfect.  
  
“Fine by me,” Sabine said. “But let’s at least go to Mos Eisley. Bestine is boring.”  
  
“Seriously? That place is a dump,” Kanan said.  
  
“Yeah, but the food is pretty good,” Sabine replied easily.  
  
“If I remember correctly, you have terrible taste in food,” Ezra interrupted.  
  
Hera let their banter wash over her. It felt so _right_ to be together again. They had all changed, but this – this _love_ they shared with each other never would.  
  
Kanan squeezed Hera’s hand. She looked up at him, and he grinned at her. Hera fell in love with him again in that moment. She squeezed his hand back, her sight beginning to blur with tears again.  
  
“I love you,” Kanan whispered.  
  
“I love you too,” Hera said.  
  
No matter what happened next, they would face it together. Finally, after so many years adrift, Hera had her family again. She looked at the _Ghost_ , looming in front of them.  
  
Hera was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a goshdarn delight to write. I really hope that I effectively conveyed the emotions Hera, Kanan and Ezra felt upon their reunion, and did justice to the characters. There is a lot of crying in this chapter, but I feel like there would be in such an emotionally charged reunion! I also loved introducing Jacen to Kanan and to Ezra - can't wait to explore more of those dynamics in later chapters!  
>   
> But ultimately I started writing this fic because I want Hera to be happy, goddamn it, and now she is! Which is not to say that things will be easy from here on out, but at least they'll all be together.  
>   
> Oh, also, I love Ahsoka to death and she _is_ a very important member of the Rebels fam, but she also is responsible enough to look after their prisoner. We know from the _Thrawn_ books that he's a complex character, but at this point, he's still very much the bad guy to most of them. But worry not, there will be more Ahsoka in the future!  
>   
> I also like to imagine that Hera knows and is fond of Luke - I'm planning on incorporating Luke into the story later on. I also put in the reference to Hera hating sand in honor of Anakin, our problematic fave and resident sand-hater. Someday I'll write the AU where Anakin doesn't join the Dark Side but joins the rebellion instead and he and Hera just snark at each other nonstop whenever they're around each other.  
>   
> Thank you all so so so much for reading!!! You have no idea how much your feedback means to me. Love you all <33333


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Description of oral sex. Also lots of emotions.

Hera had thought it was impossible for her to be more overwhelmed than when she saw Kanan step off of Ahsoka’s shuttle, but apparently not, because now she was alone with him in her room and she was shaking, literally shaking, with nerves and excitement and nerves and reawakened lust and still more nerves.  
  
They had put Jacen to sleep together. Kanan told his son that he loved him all the way to the outer rim and back, and Hera had to work extremely hard not to burst into tears again. Sabine had gone back to the shuttle to check on Ahsoka and Thrawn, and Ezra had taken Kanan’s old room, as his room with Zeb now belonged to Jacen.  
  
Hera held Kanan’s hand as they walked in silence across the hallway to her room, and now he was here, and she was here, and they were alone. She was torn between dueling desires to make herself a nice cup of calming tea and to immediately tear all of Kanan’s clothes off.  
  
“So,” Kanan said, breaking the silence. He had a soft smile on his face. Stars, he looked so young without his beard. His shaven face made Hera ever more aware of aging five years since she last saw him.  
  
Deciding that action was better than silently freaking out, Hera surged forward to catch Kanan in a kiss. He was surprised, but wrapped his arms around her after a few seconds.  
  
Despite how good it felt to kiss Kanan – it felt _so good_ – Hera felt like there were millions of alarms going off in her head. Her heart was speeding, and not in the fun-and-sexy way, but in the about-to-have-a-panic-attack way.  
  
Kanan pulled away and looked at her, concerned.  
  
“What’s wrong?” he asked. Hera sighed. Kanan could always read her so well.  
  
“I – I just – it’s been a long time. I haven’t – been with anyone. Not since you. And, I’ve changed, and my body has changed after having Jacen, and I – I guess I’m just nervous,” Hera stammered, a blush creeping up her cheeks. _Smooth, Syndulla_.  
  
Kanan took her hand and led her to the bed, sitting down next to her.  
  
“Why are you nervous?” he asked. Hera took another deep breath. Stars, this was so humiliating, why couldn’t she just be _normal_ and kiss him without feeling like the floor was about to give out from under her?  
  
“I’m – I’m not used to being touched like that anymore. I’m out of practice,” Hera said, huffing a small laugh. “And a big part of me is still worried you’re going to disappear at any moment, and it’s a mistake to let myself get attached again.”  
  
Kanan placed his hand over hers gently.  
  
“I understand why you’re afraid. I’ve been gone a long time. But I promise you, I’m not going anywhere,” he said, his voice low and determined.  
  
She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. Kanan sat patiently, waiting for her to continue.  
  
“And – I know it’s ridiculous – but I’m also scared that I’m not going to be good for you. That – that you’re not going to want me anymore,” Hera said, keeping her eyes closed so she wouldn’t have to look at Kanan’s face. She felt his palm on her cheek, and she leaned into it instinctually. She could fear the tears beginning to prick the corner of her eyes.  
  
“Hera, I have always wanted you. I will always want you. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. Five years doesn’t change that,” he said gently.  
  
Kanan pressed a small kiss to Hera’s forehead. Hera sniffled, her eyes still closed tightly.  
  
“It’s okay if you’re not ready. I can wait. I don’t want you putting pressure on yourself about it,” he said.  
  
Hera accepted she couldn’t prevent the tears from falling, and opened her eyes to look at Kanan. He was so _sincere_ , so determined to make her feel comfortable and safe and loved.  
  
Hera’s face crumpled as she began crying in earnest. Kanan pulled her into a hug and rubbed his hand on her back in soothing circles. She rested her head on his shoulder and allowed herself to truly weep.  
  
“It’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay,” Kanan murmured over and over again. “I’m not letting go. It’s okay.”  
  
Hera pulled away after several moments, her sobs fading to small hiccups, feeling slightly guilty about the stain her tears had left on his shoulder.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice small.  
  
“Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing,” Kanan said. He took a deep breath. “You’re not the only one who’s nervous about this.”  
  
“Really?” Hera asked. Kanan looked down sheepishly.  
  
“It’s been five years for you. What if I’m not as good as you remember?” he said, almost shyly, his face flushing.  
  
Hera put her fingers under his chin, tilting his face up gently.  
  
“I guess this is scary for both of us,” she said. “It’s like our first time all over again.”  
  
Kanan laughed softly.  
  
“I mean, when you think about it that way, we’re pretty lucky,” he said. Hera raised an eyebrow.  
  
“How do you figure that?” she asked dryly. (Or, what would have been dryly if she hadn’t been crying for the past ten minutes.)  
  
“Well, most couples only have one first time. We get three – our actual first time, our first time after I lost my sight, and our first time after I’ve come back from the dead,” he said, smiling with satisfaction as Hera laughed.  
  
“Hera, I’m the luckiest person in the galaxy. I died, and I got to come back. And even more incredible than that, I got to come back to _you_ ,” Kanan said. “It’s going to take a while for us to adjust, and that’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Because we’re together again, and we always figure it out.”  
  
“I love you,” Hera said quietly.  
  
“I love you too,” Kanan replied. He still seemed a little surprised that Hera was willing to say the words so freely.  
  
She used to believe that saying “I love you” too many times made the phrase lose its meaning. So she would keep the words to herself, and express her love in different ways. She had only told Kanan she loved him three times before he died, and the last time was on the roof in Lothal City. It was only then that she realized she had been wrong, that saying the words didn’t diminish them but made their meaning stronger, bound you closer to a person.  
  
When she gave birth to Jacen, her heart was filled with so much love for her son that she thought it would burst. So she determined not to make the mistakes her father had made by withholding his affection, but to tell Jacen she loved him all the time. Jacen had to know he was loved; Hera couldn’t bear it if he didn’t. The same was true for Kanan, now that he was back. He needed to know how much she loved him.  
  
Kanan put his arm around Hera, and she rested her head on his shoulder. They sat quietly that way for a few moments.  
  
“It’s so strange that you’re back,” Hera murmured into Kanan’s neck. “For five years, I’ve been wishing you were with me, and now you’re back.”  
  
“I did miss a lot of things. I missed fighting in the biggest battles of the rebellion. I missed the birth of our son. I missed his first steps. I missed so much, and we can’t get that time back,” Kanan said quietly.  
  
Hera lifted her head off his shoulder and placed her hand on his cheek.  
  
“We can’t. But we aksi can’t focus on that. We have to move forward together, and appreciate the time we do have,” she said.  
  
“How are you so perfect?” Kanan whispered, the corners of his lips turning up slightly.  
  
“Years of practice,” Hera replied, returning his smile. She leaned forward and kissed him again. It was unhurried, almost chaste, just pressing lips and savoring the sensation of closeness.  
  
“Can I kiss you again?” Kanan asked when Hera pulled away. She nodded, forgetting for a moment that he would need verbal consent.  
  
“Yes,” she whispered. He leaned in again and kissed her gently, so gently, cupping her cheek in his hand. Hera felt warmth flood through her body as Kanan brushed his fingers over her lekku with his other hand. His kisses were soft and small, but Hera could feel the passion behind them.  
  
Kanan pulled away, his clouded eyes soft. Hera made a decision.  
  
She lifted herself slightly from her seated position next to Kanan and turned to straddle him with her legs, so she was sitting on his lap.  
  
“Is this okay?” she whispered. Kanan stroked her back with his hands.  
  
“Yeah,” he said. “Is it okay for you?”  
  
“Yeah,” she replied, and ducked in to kiss him again. The kiss was still slow, but more ardent. Hera nipped Kanan’s lower lip with her teeth, which he had always loved. He hummed his appreciation and pulled her in closer, his strong arms encircling her tightly.  
  
“I want to lie down – ” Kanan said in between kisses. “ – but my shoes are still on.”  
  
Hera laughed and clambered off of his lap, lying down on the bunk as he quickly slipped his shoes off. He climbed over her, his face directly above hers.  
  
“Can I kiss you?” he asked again.  
  
“Yes,” she said. He leaned down to press his lips against hers. She carded her hand through his short hair, pulling him in closer and deepening the kiss.  
  
Hera was surprised by how responsive her body was just to his kisses, how her back arched when he slipped his tongue in her mouth, how she moaned when his fingers began to slide under her shirt. Her mouth chased his whenever he pulled away.  
  
“We have to breathe occasionally, you know,” Kanan laughed, slightly out of breath.  
  
“Breathing is overrated,” Hera murmured, grabbing the back of his head to pull him down into a kiss again. It had been five years, and now that Kanan was back and kissing her like this, she would never let him go.  
  
“You should take your shirt off,” Hera said during a brief pause. Kanan pulled her lower lip with his teeth, then sat up and pulled off his shirt in one fluid motion. Stars, that chest – Hera had forgotten how unfairly perfect Kanan’s body was, almost entirely lean muscle. A small whimper escaped unbidden from the back of Hera’s throat.  
  
Kanan laughed and leaned back down to kiss Hera’s neck.  
  
“You can’t give me a hickey,” Hera said, closing her eyes as Kanan sucked at the skin just above her collarbone. “Jacen will ask questions.”  
  
Kanan sat back up, looking thoughtful.  
  
“Okay, so the neck is off limits. But that leaves plenty of other places free,” he said, slipping his fingers under her shirt again. “I need to leave some proof to show you’re mine.”  
  
Hera laughed.  
  
“Right, so all the other men who see me shirtless will look at the hickeys and know that I’m taken,” she said, sitting up slightly so that she could pull off her shirt.  
  
“Damn straight,” Kanan said, smiling. He placed his right hand under her back, right at the clasp of her bra. “May I?”  
  
“Be my guest,” Hera replied. Kanan unhooked her bra with one hand, looking extremely smug.  
  
“Oh yeah, I’ve still got it,” he said with satisfaction. Hera laughed as she pulled her bra off and threw it onto the floor.  
  
“They will speak of your ability to unhook a bra for decades to come,” she teased.  
  
“One-handed! And blind! I have to get extra points for that,” he said. Hera giggled. She had missed this, too – not just how hot it was to be intimate with Kanan, but how much _fun_.  
  
Hera’s giggles turned into moans as Kanan began pressing his lips to her breasts and stomach, his kisses alternating between soft and intense. He paused after sucking the skin over her hipbone, and looked up at Hera from between her legs.  
  
“We can stop now,” he said seriously. “If you don’t want me to keep going, that’s completely fine.”  
  
Hera didn’t even hesitate.  
  
“I want you to keep going,” she said. “But if you don’t want, that’s okay. We can stop now.”  
  
“No, no, I want to keep going too,” Kanan said quickly.  
  
“Okay, then,” Hera said. “Keep going.”  
  
Kanan grinned and began tugging her pants down her hips. He pressed kisses to her calves and inner thighs, working his way back up her legs after pulling her pants off fully and throwing them on the floor. He pressed a small kiss over her underwear and Hera moaned.  
  
“Keep going?” he asked, teasing.  
  
“Yes,” Hera said, almost breathless.  
  
Kanan slowly pulled off her underwear – too slowly, damn it, he knew what he was doing to her – and kissed her inner thighs again.  
  
“You’re such a tease,” Hera said, her voice half a moan. The desire to feel his mouth on her was almost agonizing.  
  
“Just taking my time,” Kanan said innocently. Hera groaned as he kissed her left hipbone. She unceremoniously grabbed his hair and pushed his head down. Kanan laughed. “Someone’s impatient.”  
  
“Kanan, please – ” Hera started, but her words turned into a moan as Kanan pressed his tongue over her clit. He looped his arms under her legs and began moving his mouth, and then Hera was absolutely incapable of forming words.  
  
Her toes curled and her fingers gripped the sheets on the bunk. This felt _so good_ , she had forgotten how good it could feel, like every inch of her body was on fire, like every nerve was singing.  
  
It didn’t take long for Hera to come, and come hard, her back arching completely off the bunk so that she was almost fully sitting up. The ecstasy crashed over her, so powerful that it almost hurt, and she felt her body shudder with the aftershocks.  
  
She collapsed back down on the bunk, breathing heavily. Her brain was foggy; she couldn’t think or speak, only lie there feel the after-effects flowing through her body.  
  
Kanan wiped his mouth on the sheet and climbed back up the bunk so he was lying on his side next to her. He had an extremely self-satisfied smile on his face, the smile of someone who had almost made their partner black out in ecstasy.  
  
“Confirmed. You are still very good at that,” Hera said after a few seconds, still panting slightly.  
  
“What can I say, it’s a talent,” Kanan said smugly.  
  
“I would hit you right now if I could move my body,” Hera said, giving him a mock glare.  
  
“It’s my secret weapon. I’ll fuck you senseless and then I can take over the _Ghost_ and lead a life of interstellar crime,” Kanan said. Hera laughed and turned on her side so that she was facing him. His smile softened as she placed her hand on his cheek.  
  
Hera then caught him by surprise by surging forward and pressing her lips against his. Kanan smiled into the kiss.  
  
“I’m not completely senseless yet,” Hera whispered as she pulled away, her breath still slightly ragged. “I think you’ll really need to fuck me before that happens.”  
  
Kanan smiled and raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Are you sure?” he asked.  
  
“That I want you to fuck me senseless, preferably right now? Yes,” Hera said. “How are you still wearing pants?”  
  
Kanan scrambled out of the bunk so he could take off his pants more easily. Hera laughed as he almost tripped in his haste, hopping on one leg. He looked at her and grinned. There was so much joy in his expression, so much love, that for second it threatened to overwhelm her. Hera truly believed in that moment that Kanan had been wrong, and that _she_ was actually the luckiest person in the galaxy.  
  
Hera smiled so widely her face hurt, and didn’t stop smiling until Kanan climbed back onto the bunk and kissed it away.  
  


* * *

  
  
Hera lay with her head on Kanan’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, the glorious proof that he was alive, that this hadn’t been a dream. Her arm was thrown over his stomach, sticking slightly to his skin with their cooling sweat.  
  
“That was nice,” Kanan said, still slightly out of breath. Hera laughed softly.  
  
“That was very nice,” she agreed. “Wow, I really missed you.”  
  
Kanan’s arm around her shoulders tightened for a moment, assuring her of his presence, of his promise not to leave.  
  
“Well, we have plenty of time for repeat experiences,” he said, and kissed the top of her lekku.  
  
“I really, really love you,” Hera said.  
  
“And you’re not just saying that because I fucked you senseless?” Kanan asked. Hera could hear the smile in his voice.  
  
“I mean, it didn’t hurt,” Hera replied. Kanan laughed.  
  
“I really, really love you too,” he said. “Best third first time ever.”  
  
Hera smiled into his chest.  
  
“Definitely the best third first time ever,” she agreed, her fears about physical intimacy having melted away. They had rediscovered each other, connecting across the years and finding that they were closer than ever.  
  
They lay there quietly until they fell asleep, their bodies twined together so tightly that it was unclear where Kanan ended and Hera began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is extremely horny on main - emotionally and physically horny! To me, there is literally nothing sexier than open and honest communication, so open and honest communication _and_ great sex is just really *chef's kiss*. I wanted to explore how Hera and Kanan would both be nervous before their "third first time," but also show how they would get through it together - by sharing their feelings with each other, making sure to communicate their needs and with enthusiastic consent.  
>   
> I also wanted to show how Hera and Kanan really have a lot of fun together. One of the best parts about their relationship is the banter - I think that would definitely continue in the bedroom!  
>   
> Anyway this chapter had lots of emotions and lots of sex, so it was fun for me to write. (I'm still relatively new to writing about sexy times, so hopefully it turned out well.) Love love love seeing your comments and kudos - you guys keep me going <333


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter jumps around a bit in time. It starts with Ezra and Thrawn on the _Chimaera _together, and the final section chronologically takes place after the events of Chapter 7. I'm not giving these chapters titles, but if this chapter had a title, it would be "Conversations with Ezra."__

“I’m curious,” Thrawn said, his enunciation as crisp as ever despite looking generally disheveled, “Why did you do it?”  
  
There was only one thing Thrawn could be referring to – why had Ezra sacrificed himself? But they had been in hyperspace for days now, and close proximity with an enemy had left Ezra feeling on edge, so he wasn’t in the mood to be cooperative.  
  
“Why did I do what?” Ezra said, his tone more tired than harsh.  
  
“Give up your life to save a small, inconsequential planet?”  
  
They were sitting on the floor of the command deck of the _Chimaera_ , backs against the wall. Even though he had free rein over the ship, Ezra mostly stayed on the bridge, to keep an eye on Thrawn. He didn’t know why Thrawn stayed up here, though. Maybe to remind himself of a time, just days ago, when he had been in control, when the future was a known quantity.  
  
Thrawn hadn’t bothered trying to fight Ezra when the purrgils had jumped to hyperspace. He saw war as a game, and like any self-respecting sportsman, he knew when he had lost. Ezra had the weapon, Ezra had the power, Ezra seemingly had control over these gigantic space creatures, and they were going into the far reaches of unknown space. Why waste energy on a fight that was already over?  
  
Or maybe that’s just what he wanted Ezra to think, and he was even at this moment scheming to gain the upper hand. That also seemed like something Thrawn might do. But Ezra looked over at his hostage, and saw no calculation in his enemy’s red eyes, only genuine curiosity.  
  
“It wasn’t an inconsequential planet. It was my home. And I did what I did to protect my family,” Ezra said, rubbing a hand over his eyes.  
  
“Family,” Thrawn said, thoughtfully. “I had a family once.”  
  
“Most people do, at some point,” Ezra retorted, but without any real heat. He wasn’t in the mood to spar with Thrawn, who would almost definitely beat him at it.  
  
“It might surprise you to know that I allied myself with the Empire because I thought it would benefit my people,” Thrawn said idly.  
  
“Where are you from?” Ezra asked, despite his better judgment. Fine, he’d admit it: he was bored, and he was curious, and he was going to be stuck with Thrawn for who knew how long. It could take Sabine years to find wherever the purrgil took them.  
  
“A planet called Rentor, in what you know as the Unknown Regions,” Thrawn said.  
  
“Why did you leave?”  
  
Thrawn shrugged.  
  
“I saw the Republic crumble, and the vast ambition of the Empire that succeeded it. If I did not join the Emperor, he may have one day decided to go exploring in the Unknown Regions, and make my world his own,” he said.  
  
“Wonder what that would be like,” Ezra said sarcastically.  
  
“What you see as cruelty, I see as practicality. And the Emperor, for his faults, does have a vision for a better, more composed galaxy.”  
  
“I don’t think ruthless oppression makes the galaxy better,” Ezra said, getting angry. Thrawn was still infuriatingly calm, a placid look on his face.  
  
“It’s all a matter of perspective, young Bridger. It is not oppression, it is assimilation for the sake of cohesion,” Thrawn said. “Any rebellions must be crushed swiftly. But once the tide of dissent has receded, the galaxy will be a safer place.”  
  
“Yeah, but the ‘tide of dissent’ isn’t going to recede. People don’t like being assimilated against their will. The rebellion will succeed, and your emperor will lose,” Ezra argued.  
  
“Maybe,” Thrawn conceded with a small nod. “I suppose we’ll never know which of us is correct.”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Ezra asked, his sense of righteous anger fading into simple annoyance.  
  
“Wherever these creatures are taking us, I doubt we will be able to return,” Thrawn said. “I know the Unknown Regions well, but something tells me these – purrgils are not bringing us to any familiar place. Wherever we are going, once we are there, we will be gone forever.”  
  
Ezra shook his head, almost pitying Thrawn for a moment.  
  
“You’re wrong. My family will come looking for me. They’ll find me – us, I guess. Eventually,” Ezra said.  
  
“You have such faith in your companions,” Thrawn said softly. “An admirable trait for a soldier.”  
  
“I’m not a soldier. I’m a Jedi,” Ezra replied. Thrawn smiled.  
  
“And what, exactly, is the difference?”  
  
Ezra sighed and leaned his head against the cool metal wall. He had lived in wartime his entire life, from his parents’ secret insurgency to his time with the _Ghost_ crew. Even when he was homeless on the streets of Lothal, every day had been a battle for survival. He wasn’t sure how to live without a reason to fight.  
  
“I’ll let you know when I figure it out,” Ezra said, closing his eyes.  
  


* * *

  
  
It took a few days for Ezra to find the right time to talk to Ahsoka alone. His sleep cycle was off, which made sense considering that he hadn’t really slept for what felt like a few days but had actually been five years.  
  
On the third day of their return trip, he was wandering the narrow corridors of the T-6 shuttle, believing that everyone else had turned in for the night. He walked into the cockpit, expecting to be alone in the room, with only the swirl of hyperspace in the viewport as company.  
  
But Ahsoka was sitting there in the pilot’s seat, just as awake as he was. She swiveled in her seat and smiled as he walked in.  
  
“Hey, Ezra. Couldn’t sleep?”  
  
Ezra shook his head and sat down next to Ahsoka in the co-pilot’s seat.  
  
“I’m glad you walked in, actually. I’ve been wanting to talk to you. Talk about where we’ve both been,” Ahsoka said.  
  
“Me too,” Ezra replied, relieved he hadn’t been the one to start the conversation. “I’m so glad you made it out of the World Between Worlds. How long were you there?”  
  
“It’s hard to say. Time works differently there. I’m sure you can understand,” Ahsoka said, her voice thoughtful.  
  
“I’m kind of an expert now on weird sacred places in the Force where time doesn’t pass regularly,” Ezra said wryly. He took a deep breath, remembering the look of deep sadness that shadowed Ahsoka’s face when she stopped him from saving Kanan. “I’m – I’m sorry about your master, whatever happened. I didn’t have time to ask about it before. I’m sorry that – I’m sorry that I got my master back, and you didn’t.”  
  
Ahsoka smiled sadly.  
  
“I did get him back, in a way,” she said. “When I was in the World Between Worlds, I saw a vision of his death. He redeemed himself at the end, and was able to join the Cosmic Force.”  
  
“I thought you said he died during the Jedi Purge,” Ezra said, confused. Ahsoka sighed.  
  
“I said I didn’t know what happened to him. But that was a lie,” she paused and closed her eyes, as if bracing herself. “My master, Anakin Skywalker, fell to the Dark Side and became Darth Vader.”  
  
“Your master was Darth Vader?” Ezra gasped. Memories from Malachor flooded back to him, now tinged with understanding – why Ahsoka had seemed to know Vader, why she stayed behind to fight him. Ezra had been so focused on regaining the holocron and helping Kanan that he had barely processed the conversation between Ahsoka and Vader.  
  
“My master was _Anakin Skywalker_. He _became_ Darth Vader,” Ahsoka said. “I wasn’t there when he fell. I didn’t realize how much he needed me, at the time. The last time I saw Anakin, I didn’t even embrace him, or let him know how much he meant to me, or how grateful I was to him. I thought I would see him again. I thought we would have more time.”  
  
Ezra could see a tear escape down Ahsoka’s cheek, but her voice was steady and calm.  
  
“There was always a capacity for great darkness within Anakin, but I didn’t see it. I _chose_ not to see it,” she continued.  
  
“You were his padawan,” Ezra whispered, remembering how he felt when he lost Kanan. “How could you doubt your master?”  
  
“I would have died for him. I was _going_ to die for him, because I couldn’t leave him again. I couldn’t let my master go,” Ahsoka said. “Letting go is the hardest lesson a Jedi must learn. Anakin couldn’t let go, and that’s part of why he fell. I couldn’t let go, and I almost died. You saved me, Ezra. You helped me learn that lesson.”  
  
“I don’t know what to say,” Ezra responded after a short pause. Ahsoka smiled again.  
  
“In the end, not being able to let go also saved him. I saw it in a vision while I was in the World Between Worlds. Anakin had two children, and one of them, his son, came to challenge Palpatine in the battle over Endor. When it seemed like Palpatine was about to kill Luke, Anakin remembered who he was, and killed Palpatine. He brought balance to the Force, just as Obi-Wan believed he would,” Ahsoka said quietly. “My master returned to himself in his final moments, and I got to witness it, and that’s more closure than most people get when they lose someone they love.”  
  
“Wow,” Ezra said quietly.  
  
“Hera told me that Luke is trying to sort of restart the Jedi order. His father was the most talented Jedi of his generation. If anyone has a chance of restoring it, it’s him,” Ahsoka said.  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments, Ezra’s head swirling with visions of a new Jedi order.  
  
“What else did you see while you were down there?” Ezra asked, wondering if she had any more information on this Luke guy.  
  
“Oh, the past. Present. Future. Things that might have been and things that might yet be,” Ahsoka said, almost airily.  
  
“Sure,” Ezra said, feeling extremely out of his depth. Ahsoka giggled a little, and he realized she had been teasing him. He laughed too, just happy to see her give him a genuine smile.  
  
“It’s funny,” Ahsoka mused after a moment. “For the second time in my life, I find myself without a purpose.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I was taken to the Jedi at a very young age. My whole childhood was about becoming a Jedi. When I was expelled by the Order, I didn’t know what to do. I had lost my faith in the Jedi, and so lost my faith in myself,” Ahsoka said. “I had to try to figure out who I was without them. Without my master. And I discovered that my true purpose, Jedi or not, was to try to help people as best as I could.”  
  
“That instinct led me to the Siege of Mandalore. I helped liberate the planet, only to watch it fall again. I saved Rex when his chip was activated by Order 66, but then was responsible for the death of hundreds of his brothers who weren’t so lucky,” Ahsoka continued.  
  
“None of that was your fault,” Ezra interrupted.  
  
“No. But it felt like it was. Still does, sometimes,” Ahsoka said with a sad smile. “After that, my purpose became survival. Then, once I connected with Bail Organa, it was the rebellion. Then it was to rescue you. And now here I am again, 25 years later, and I don’t know what to do next.”  
  
“Thrawn said something interesting when we were on the Chimaera together, before we got to the planet,” Ezra said slowly. “He asked me what the difference was between a Jedi and a soldier. And I didn’t have an answer.”  
  
“Once upon a time, the Jedi were peacekeepers, not soldiers. But we lost sight of that during the Clone Wars. Our vision was obscured by the Dark Side, and all of the plans that Palpatine had put in place. And now there’s so few Jedi left,” Ahsoka said.  
  
“Maybe that can be your purpose now,” Ezra said. “Helping remind the remaining Jedi of what the order used to be.”  
  
Ahsoka shook her head.  
  
“I’m not a Jedi,” she said.  
  
“Yes, you are. You may have left the order, but you’re one of the best Jedi I know,” Ezra said.  
  
“I’d say I was flattered, but you only know one other Jedi,” Ahsoka said wryly.  
  
“Yeah, but you know of another one – Anakin’s son. Luke. Maybe you could help him out,” Ezra said.  
  
“I don’t know how much help I could give him,” Ahsoka said.  
  
“Well, you knew his father. You could tell him about the man you knew. And you were raised by the Jedi – I’m sure you have a lot of information about the order that you could share,” Ezra said, enthusiasm creeping into his voice. They had a chance to rebuild, and Ezra knew how rare those opportunities were.  
  
Ahsoka smiled at him.  
  
“That’s not a bad idea,” she said. “It sounds like you may want to come and meet Luke too.”  
  
Ezra shrugged.  
  
“I just got back. I need to see my family first – Hera, Zeb. I haven’t really thought about what happens after that,” he said. “And I don’t want to leave Kanan. I just got him back, too.”  
  
Ahsoka regarded him for a moment.  
  
“Kanan will always be your master, and you can always turn to him in times of need. But you may want to consider that you and Kanan are on different paths now,” she said.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Just – think about what you actually _want_ to do next, not what you think you should do,” Ahsoka said carefully.  
  
“I think you could follow that advice too,” Ezra said wryly. Ahsoka laughed.  
  
“True. Easier said than done, I suppose,” she said.  
  
“We’ll figure it out,” Ezra said, turning again to look out the viewport at the stars swirling before him. He found that he almost believed it.  
  
“Yeah,” Ahsoka said after a pause. “We will.”  
  


* * *

  
  
It was still strange to think that Kanan and Hera had a child. Jacen seemed so similar to both of his parents, a perfect blend of their best characteristics. He had Hera’s generous heart, Kanan’s determination and a mischievous streak that mirrored both of his parents. He looked more human than Twi’lek, but Ezra could see Hera in the shape of Jacen’s face, in the green of his hair and his lightly pointed ears. Ezra found himself staring at Jacen often, seeing the boy’s parents expressed in his facial features and habits, but also demonstrating a cleverness that was entirely his own.  
  
“Your turn,” Jacen prompted. They were playing dejarik, which Ezra had always hated, even more so now that he was being narrowly beaten by a four year old. Of course Hera had also passed on her competitiveness and her love for strategy to her son.  
  
Hera was briefing New Republic leadership about the events of the last few days, with Kanan in tow. The sudden reemergence of another Jedi who also happened to be brilliant tactical mind would be a boon to the burgeoning government, and Hera would have no trouble convincing leadership that she needed Kanan by her side.  
  
Ahsoka was on her shuttle, keeping an eye on Thrawn and engaging in some meditation. Ezra had noticed that Ahsoka was quieter now, more meditative, but also more centered — her time in the World Between Worlds had deepened her connection to the Force.  
  
That left Ezra and Sabine to babysit Jacen for a few hours. They had played two rounds of hide and seek, watched a children’s holo and were now engaged what might have been the most embarrassing game of dejarik in Ezra’s life.  
  
“I think you have me beat, buddy,” Ezra sighed, wincing slightly as Jacen dealt a crushing blow. Sabine giggled, amused by how easily Ezra had been taken down by a four year old.  
  
“Hey, dejarik’s just not my game!” Ezra said, somewhat defensively. But he couldn’t help but smile too – Jacen was so bright, so creative. He couldn’t wait until he was old enough to start being trained as a Jedi. Ezra could sense that the boy had a strong connection to the Force, just like his father. Someday soon, Kanan would have another student, and Ezra was eager to help train him - and maybe even take on Jacen as his own padawan someday.  
  
“I can teach you to be better,” Jacen said seriously, bringing Ezra’s focus back to the game. “Mommy and me play together all the time. You can watch us when we’re back on the _Lodestar_.”  
  
Ezra exchanged a glance with Sabine.  
  
“Actually, bud, I don’t think I’ll be going to the _Lodestar_ with you,” Ezra said hesitantly. Jacen frowned.  
  
“Why not? Don’t you want to spend time with us?” he asked, almost petulantly.  
  
“Of course I do, and I’ll visit you often. But – I have some things that I want to do,” Ezra said, stumbling over the words. He had spoken about his idea to Sabine last night, but still hadn’t figured out to vocalize it to Kanan and Hera, much less to Jacen.  
  
“But I thought Daddy was your teacher,” Jacen said.  
  
“He is, and he always will be. But – he has to spend time with you and your mommy now, and I – ” Ezra stopped and looked over to Sabine, wordlessly imploring her for help.  
  
“Your Uncle Ezra is on a different path now,” Sabine interjected quickly. “He has to go on his own adventure.”  
  
Jacen’s frown deepened.  
  
“What kind of adventure?”  
  
“Ahsoka – your Aunt Soka – says there’s another Jedi out there, seeking information about the old Jedi order and learning to train others. He needs help. And we think we can help him,” Ezra said.  
  
“Luke Skywalker?” Jacen asked, brightening. “He’s famous! He blew up the Death Star!”  
  
Ezra laughed. He had heard so much about the famous Luke Skywalker, son of the equally famous Anakin Skywalker, and he wasn’t exactly certain how he could help someone who already knew so much. But Ahsoka assured Ezra that Luke still had a lot to learn, and would be happy to know more about how Ezra connected with animals and what he had discovered about the Force while on the Wellspring planet.  
  
“Yeah, Luke Skywalker. He’s going to try to rebuild the Jedi order,” Ezra said. Jacen’s face fell again.  
  
“Daddy’s a Jedi. Does that mean he’s going to go with you?” the boy asked, his voice small.  
  
“I think your daddy will want to meet Luke, and will want to help to rebuild the order. But he’s _not_ going to leave you,” Ezra said, looking directly into Jacen’s wide blue eyes. “I think he’s going to stay with you and your mommy. He might leave to visit me sometimes, but most of the time he will be with you.”  
  
“Your Uncle Ezra is right,” Kanan’s voice said behind him. Ezra turned around, startled to see Kanan leaning against the door frame to enter the common area. Ezra wondered how long his old master had been listening.  
  
Kanan walked over to Jacen, sitting on his booster seat on the bench. He dropped to his knees and took Jacen’s small hands in his larger ones.  
  
“I’m going to stay with you and Mommy. I’m not going anywhere,” Kanan said, quietly. Jacen nodded, relieved.  
  
“Uncle Ezra says he’s going to go help Luke Skywalker with Aunt Soka,” Jacen said uncertainly. Kanan turned his head to where Ezra was sitting.  
  
“I thought he might decide to do that. I think that’s a great idea,” Kanan said. “Your Uncle Ezra is a great Jedi, and Luke will be lucky to have his help.”  
  
Ezra felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He had been so worried about having this conversation with Kanan, so worried about breaking the news that he was leaving his master behind – but of course, Sabine was right, and so was Ahsoka. Ezra was on a different path now, a Jedi knight in his own right. Kanan had let his padawan go, knowing their relationship would be stronger for it.  
  
“Now, I just heard from your Uncle Zeb that he’s almost here. Mommy’s wrapping things up with her meeting, and we’ll all get dinner when Zeb gets here. Does that sound good?” Kanan asked Jacen. The boy nodded enthusiastically.  
  
“Maybe Jacen and I could go wash up before Zeb gets here. I think Jacen still has some grease on him from when he was hiding in the engine room during hide and seek,” Sabine said. Jacen giggled, and Kanan helped lift him out of his booster seat. Sabine took Jacen’s hand, and smiled over her shoulder at Ezra and Kanan as she walked out of the room towards the refresher. Kanan placed the booster seat on the floor and occupied the space where his son had been sitting.  
  
“Are you sure this is okay with you?” Ezra asked nervously. “I don’t want to leave you, and I don’t want you to think that I’m leaving you and Hera and Jacen, but I want to do this. I’m supposed to do this. I know it.”  
  
“Ezra, what I told Jacen is true. I think it’s a great idea. And I will always, always be there for you when you need me,” Kanan said. He slid over on the bench so he was sitting directly next to Ezra, and placed his hand on his padawan’s shoulder.  
  
“I am so proud of you, Ezra. I am so proud of the man you have become,” Kanan said quietly. “And this won’t be goodbye. You’ll come visit us, and I’ll visit you. This is just another new chapter in our lives.”  
  
Ezra nodded, the tears leaking out of his eyes and leaving tracks on his cheeks. Kanan pulled Ezra into a tight one-armed hug, and Ezra leaned his head on his master’s shoulder.  
  
“We were given a second chance, Ezra. Don’t be afraid to take it,” Kanan whispered.  
  
They broke apart after a few seconds, Ezra wiping his cheeks with his hands.  
  
“Thank you, Kanan,” Ezra said quietly. “For everything.”  
  
Kanan smiled.  
  
“You’re my family, Ezra. I will always be there for you. We all will,” he said.  
  
“I know. And I’ll be there for you too,” Ezra said.  
  
Because that was what being a Jedi was about, wasn’t it? Taking care of others. Loving others steadfastly, but not possessively, and living your life with compassion.  
  
Ezra could do that. He would do that. And it was easy to make that resolution, knowing that his family was always with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, so sorry it's been so long since I last updated! Work has been an absolute nightmare lately. But I am still committed to this story, and committed to this found family!  
>   
> I wanted this chapter to frame Ezra's journey, and set him up for going on his own path. He's learning what it is to be a Jedi outside of wartime, and that's a scary thing!  
>   
> I had to get some Thrawn in there, because he's such a good character. (I tried to reconcile the Thrawn from the trilogy with the Thrawn from the show, but I'm not sure how successful I was!) I also really enjoyed writing Ahsoka's monologue, and draw the connection between Ahsoka learning to let go to Ezra learning to let go. Ahsoka is just the absolute best imho. Finally, it's really important to me to show the strength of Kanan and Ezra's relationship.  
>   
> I do have plans for Luke to show up sometime in the future, when Ezra and Ahsoka go to find him. This chapter is about when my fic starts diverging from canon. (The sequel trilogy can die by my blade.)  
>   
> Please please please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed! Thanks so much for reading. <3


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